The Night You Were Born

In an incredible effort to give Titus a bedtime routine that does not include the effort of giving him a bath every night. Kudos to those parents but I don't want to do it. I have come up with the same bedtime story for his routine every night.

We read...

I now know this story by heart and it goes a little something like so...

On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered "life will never same" for there had never been anyone like you ever in the world.

So enchanted with you were the wind and the rain that they whispered the sound of your wonderful name. It sailed through the farmland high on the breeze, over the ocean and through the trees, until everyone heard and everyone knew of the one and only ever you.

Not once had there been such eyes, such nose and such, silly, wiggly, wonderful toes.

When the polor bears heard, they danced until dawn. From far away places the geese flew home. The moon stay up until morning next day. The ladybugs landed and decided to stay.

So whenever you doubt just how special you are and you wonder who loves you how much and how far. Just listen to geese honking high in the sky, they're singing a song to remember you by. And notice the bears asleep at the zoo, it's because they've been dancing all night for you. Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind, listen closely it's whispering your name again.

If the moon stays up until morning one day. Or a lady bug lands and decides to stay. Or a little bird sits at your window awhile. It's because they're all hoping to see you smile.

For never before in story or rhyme. Not even once upon time. Has the world ever know a you, my son. And it never will, not ever again.

Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn, on the wonderful, marvelous morning you were born.

Most of the time this works, our wonderful little man goes to bed around 8pm every evening. Every once in awhile the story and the prayer time that follows is not enough and after a few minutes of cries I go back in and sing one of two songs.

Raindrops on Roses or My Jesus My Savior

Why just those two songs? Well, my Mom sang Raindrops on Roses to me.... and well My Jesus My Savior - it was the only worship song I could come up with to sing so many times when I desperately needed to worship while attempting to soothe a newborn. We would sing it over and over again. And change all the I's to We's.

Titus & His Buddy Seth

Look how big I am getting!

My first time in my swing, look at how little I am. It's May 29th and I am 18 days old.


















Look at me now! Mom took this on July 24th. I am 74 days old.
I almost fill up the whole swing! But it's still my favorite place to nap!

Titus Take on Tummy Time

Mom places me on my tummy, supports my shoulders with the boppy pillow, places the incredibly fun tummy time mirror in front of me so I may someday discover the "baby in the mirror". I then choose to lie face flat into boppy pillow where I gnaw on it and create a huge wet spot until I have managed to work up enough angst that I propell myself forward, knocking over the tummy time mirror and ending up with my face almost on the carpet. The entire time I have managed to basically choose to not lift my head in any direction, forcing Mom to choose NO on the form at the doctor's office when it asked "Does child lift head 90 degrees when lying on his tummy?"


I believe he can, but that he refuses to. He is after all bound to be as obstinate as his father and mother are, right?

Two Month Well Check

Titus had his two month well check yesterday. I had pretty much been dying to know how much our little guy wieghed and how long he was. A few weeks ago at church, something changed. People stopped saying "Oh, he's sooooooo little." And they had been saying it since he was carried through the doors at 6 days old. This blessed kid hasn't missed church yet.

Extreme empahsis on the so. I would almost get offended and calmly remind the person that most children were born between 6-8lbs and mine was 7lbs, making him completely average.

But when they stopped talking about how little he was, they started talking about how "he was soooooo big and sooooooooo long". This always left me thinking "Will our little man ever just be normal?"

But the long comment had me intrigued. Was my little guy really that long?

I'd picked up one of those snake/worm toys that has a 24 inch ruler on the underside of it at a garage sale brought it home, and my dear sweet child was an inch or two longer than the snake.

I did learn- the fun kids toy snake is not a good measuring tool.

The verdict:
At 11 weeks old
Titus

weighs: 11 lbs. 13 ozs. (25th-50th percentile)
height: 24.5 inches long (75th - 90th percentile)

Dr. Yost said. "Yep, he's a skinny, tall white boy"

All in all we didn't have much concerns to talk to the doctor about. He's a good kid. No wierdness to report. I suppose he's just pretty average. I am convinced that is exactly what God knew we could handle.

Doc even said "He's perfect."

So we can't really complain much.

He also got his first round of immunizations. Oh boy, was that an annoying decision.
So I gave up and just pretty much said give him all of them.

The only one I was really chewing on was hep B. But I signed him up for all of them.

However, the nurse only poked him twice - because apparently there is a state wide outage of hep B shots.

When Titus had his circumcision done, the doctor brought him out to us and we asked how our little two week old had done and the doc said he had a high pain tolernace. The doctor said he just knew certain cries and Titus had a high pain tolerance.

I think I saw it in action during the shots. Brion was down in his face "sssshhhing" and comforting him and he wailed and showed his little tomato face during the shots, but he as soon as Brion picked him up he stopped crying and didn't really cry again for the rest of the day. No fever from the shots, no extra fussiness, just lots of naps. He's a good kid.

To view pics of Titus - http://picasaweb.google.com/BrionandRachel

Day 1 With Out Husband

When I was pregnant and hormonally crazy I wondered A LOT about how 16 year olds managed being pregnant, I know how they managed to get pregnant, but how did they manage being pregnant.

While pregnant, I was not my usual self. And in the last trimester I most certainly was not my usual self.

I relied on Brion so much while pregnant. Mostly because I could. But I am not convinced that I could have done it by myself.

He was the one I shared everything gross about being pregnant with, the one that would let me cry on his shoulders, the one to go get me some crazy food craving in the middle of the night, well late evening. He was everything a husband should be.

Then, we had a baby. WE. And then I REALLY wondered how the teenagers of this world handle being a single mom. For the first few weeks I was not convinced I could handle it even with an incredibly supportive husband.

Now, with him gone. Even if it is just a mere 15 hours so far, I get a small glimpse of the immense things that he does for Titus and I.

Even just as small BUT HUGE as emptying the Diaper Genie (which I had actually never done). I'm pretty sure that I managed to do it correctly.

And then there is taking the garbage out. This is no small feat. While cleaning today, I managed to rack up 3 bags of garbage. OH, and I still didn't emptying the bathroom garbage. When I have to actually empty the can myself, which is few and far between I set the bags in a bin right outside our front door, my wonderful husband then walks them across the parking lot into the dumpster.

Now, when I left the house today, and walked past the garbage bags I thought I should take those to the dumpster. However, child AND carseat, purse and diaper bag and bag of things to return to Wal-Mart, I thought how am I suppose to do that. So I didn't.

Then I came home, looked again at the bags of garbage and with child in hand screaming "feed me, feed me, feed me" I again passed them by.

I fed said child, put him to bed, read him his good night story, prayed, turned on the montitor and walked out the door.

I then happened to glance out our sliding glass door to see this....

So I watched and listened to the raccoons for awhile. In awe of such nature right outside my sliding glass door. I knew I was a safe distance from them and they weren't scared of me or my flashing camera.

And then - I remembered the garbage. It would only take 3 baby raccoons and a mama raccoon so long to sniff out what something in one of those three bags of garbage.

So, I did the unthinkable. I locked the front door, grabbed the garbage walked across the parking lot and threw it away. And when I got back Titus was still in his basinet and still squirming.

I miss you, husband.

Merry-Go-Round

From the bouncer to my arms from my arms to the bassinet from the bassinet to my arms to the floor back to the bouncer back to the swing back to the bassinet back to my arms back to the swing - this is the merry-go-round we are living today.

In between it all I try desperately to get my house ready for company on Wednesday.

Brion is at camp for two weeks. He left early this morning.

I already dread the night. I almost look forward to Titus' middle of the night feedings because Brion and I wake up together - I get the baby he gets the bottle. We watch a little something and speak noise to each other not words because apparently we can not open our mouth all the way to enunciate in the middle of the night. And after Mr. Titus is fed I put him back in his crib and we fall back asleep together.

I know I can handle the middle of the night feedings myself BUT they will just be so boring. And right now, knowing I am not anticipating anyone coming home today... It's just a little sad.

And of course Titus is a little extra fussy today. Hence, our merry-go-round of bouncer, swing, bassinet, arms, floor. Right now he's currently sleeping in his swing, seems to be the only place he will nap today. And I don't want to fight him. He falls asleep so good in his bassinet at night, doesn't particulary like to do it during the day but I can't complain too much.

Back to the cleaning...

Rules of the Titus @ 8 weeks

1. Please don't cover my feet with a blanket. I do not like this and will kick it off.

2. Bouncers are good ONLY if they vibrate.

3. I enjoy sleeping sideways in my bassinet, even if I do look all squished up.

4. I will sleep when I want to sleep. Go ahead try to wake me up when I want to be sleeping.

5. Someday, Mom, you will stop squeezing newborn onesies over my big nogin, in the mean time every time you do I will scream.

6. It is not my fault Mom fails more often than Dad at putting the diaper on correctly AND making sure everything is pointing in the right direction.

7. Go ahead, put me in a nice outfit, take me in public and don't put a bib on me - I will spit up. ALOT.

8. When I am chewing on my entire hand - it most likely means I am hungry. Seriously, I am trying to eat my whole hand - feed me. Or I will scream.

9. I like it when Dad "sssssshhhhhhhhhhhh's" me. It calms me down almost immediately. Mom, you are okay at it, but Dad is the master.

10. The carseat. Oh, the carseat. It is great, sometimes, and only when it's moving. Please don't leave me in it for longer than a millisecond with out it moving or I will scream again.

11. I love snugling up in Dad and Mom's arms or on thier chest to fall asleep, but you keep putting me in my bassinet before I fall asleep. Not fair.

12. I refuse to coo or ooo, or make sweet little baby noises. I am a man, Mom, and I will only grunt and squawk. Be happy with the smiles you get.

Pics of Titus (7 weeks old)

Taken 6/27/08 at Mingus Park by our super awesome photographer Ashley!

See more at

www.perspectivephotography.blogspot.com

What I've learned in the last 7 weeks

Seven weeks ago this Sunday, I gave birth to my first child.

One week ago I attended my TEN year high school reunion.

Two days ago I accomplished ten months of marriage.

1. Water does not break like it does in the movies. It does not break once. If the child inside has not dropped it will continue to break over and over again all day. Gross.

2. Epidural does make labor pain free. And getting an epidural is incredibly uncomfortable.

3. No one tells you about the pressure. Pressure isn't pain. It is a completely different category.

4. I was not the woman I expected myself to be in labor. I screamed, grunted, swore to never have kids, shushed my husband from praying, almost prayed for a c-section, BUT I never said a bad word.

5. No one can ever explain to you how incredibly hard it is to be a mom or a dad. People tried. I still had no idea.

6. No one can ever explain to you how incredibly wonderful it is to be a mom or dad. People tried. I still had no idea.

7. The first time he smiled at me, and I really felt like he had, I cried.

8. OH! The baby blues... WOW... I wept for no reason. They lasted for a couple weeks, and I wasn't sure they would end. AGAIN... caught by surprise.

9. They tell you to count on wearing your maternity clothes out of the hospital, no problem. BUT someone could have told me I wouldn't be able to wear my shoes out of the hospital. My feet and ankles and calves were VERY swollen for a week.

10. "Failing" at breastfeeding is devastating. Especially when my body was at fault.

11. Really understanding that all of Titus' days were written before he was born and mine too and that I didn't "FAIL" at breastfeeding - Absolutely Amazing!!!

12. I CAN take the baby out in public, to the store, to a restaurant, to the park, even to work. And I can do it by myself.

13. It is way easier to do it not by myself, and especially with Dad.

14. Brion is more of a Dad then I ever imagined him being.

15. We have almost survived our first year of marriage, so far we have survived a pregnancy, child birth, and the first few weeks of newborn baby. We can do ANYTHING! And I am more in love with him everyday!

16. Cheap carnations are the best flowers because they last the longest. (More bang for your buck!) And... my husband does his best to make sure there are always fresh ones in the house for me!

17. 10 year high school reunions are not really all they are cracked up to be.

18. Everyone has now convinced me that my 20 year reunion will be so much better.

19. Is semi-formal really a hard concept to understand?

20. I would not trade my life for anything. Would not change the slightest piece of it. I have a wonderful husband, an amazing baby, good church - good jobs. We're not perfect and we have lots of faults. But we love Jesus and almost everynight my husband holds me in his arms and prays for me and our family and that is more than I could ever ask for.

Too Much Fun

16 days old

Labor & Delivery Story

I have been meaning to share my l&d story for quite awhile...


On Saturday May 10, I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant according to my calculations. I had just kissed my husband goodbye and sent him off to his men's mentoring group, it was 6:20am. I, still curled up in bed, was determined to snuggle in the big bed (it is a small bed at 9 months pregnant with two people in it and since husband had departed and it was going to be a while before I got up to go garage sale-ing with my mom, it was a big bed for the moment). I situated myself lengthwise across the bed and curled up with the morning news. I heard Brion start the van.... and then I felt a "gush".

hmm.... I thought to myself, that was NEW. For those of you that have been pregnant, you know that lots of new things happen.... and well I hadn't felt a "gush".

So I laid there a few more seconds, and then another "gush".

Ok. Fine. I got out of my snuggle bed and went to check out this gush stuff. Sure, enough, my water had broken.

7 phone calls later to a husband who happened to have his phone on silent, and 1 call to the hospital to find out if I had to come in immediately and to get permission to take a shower. Brion arrived back at the apartment and we hurriedly finished packing the hospital bag and off we were.

We arrived at the hospital just after 7:30am (it's literally 3 minutes away from us) and I let the nurses know that I had arrived. They proceeded to take me to the "are you really in labor room?". The entire time I am still "gushing". Because you see my wonderful little man never "dropped" I never experienced the "lightening phase" or the ability to suddenly breathe easier, because my little man was still firmly jammed under my right set of ribs. SO... when your water breaks, the baby's head is suppose to help clog the hole and well since little man was still floating so high I just continued to gush water, pretty much all day. ALL DAY.

So back to the nurses who are "checking" to make sure my water has broken... well, they give me my little gown to put on and are getting ready to strap me in to all the "are you really in labor" equipment... and I gushed amniotic fluid all the way from the bathroom to the bed, with which they promptly said "OK, you're admitted."

So room 4 becomes my home. I think at this point Brion and I are in complete disbelief that we are actually going to have a baby that day. A little intense. My maternity leave was starting that Monday, I was looking forward to having a couple days off to be miserably pregnant at home. I had seriously just finished 3 weeks of intense events at church that were my responsibility. And with each person who had said "What if the baby comes early?" I had replied "God knows this baby can't come till after May 9th" and on May 10th it started.

I was still incredibly comfortable, well 9 months pregnant with stuff gushing out of you comfortable, but no contractions. I had been a little over 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced at my last doctor's appointment and was hoping for better news when they checked me but nope they said the same thing. And even better - I was ot having any contractions.... well real small incredibly irregular ones.

And then I find out that Dr. Male Doctor Who Is On Call will be seeing me shortly, so that means that Dr. Female Who I Have Been Seeing For The Last Nine Months will not be there to deliver my baby. This, all though I knew it was possible, is incredibly disconcerting for me. I purposely chose a female doctor and never imagined that SHE would not be delievering my baby.

Well when Dr. Male shows up, he says the word "pitocin" and I respond with the word "epidural". He says "Let's have a baby by sundown" hmmm, that's a good 12 hours from now I can handle that.

So the pitocin starts... slowly... and the contractions start barely. I have ordered my epidural by now, not to have the medicine put in but to get the epidural line put in so that when my pitocin contractions get started, really started, the medicine can get put right in.

So while we wait Brion makes all kind of phone calls, we're giddy and nervous, we play a game of crib. And then roughly noonish "Charlie the epidural man" shows up. He is a older man, small in stature with a very careful voice. I trust him not to paralyze me.

I have my husband and nurse #2 of the day, Joy, and we start this epidural process.... WHICH does not go as easy I thought it would. So two hours later of me keeping my back curled in a C position, my head down, and fearing paralyzation or having to have this baby with out an epidural. So two hours later the epidural is in, the test medicine goes in, my blood pressure crashes, they get it back up to an acceptable range and start the pitocin again...

AND nothing happens, not a single contraction for hours. I think I might be maybe 2cm by now, I can't remember,
they won't check me very often because my water is broken and they don't want to risk infection. Which if fine, whatever.

At 5pm... my contractions... finally... start. and they start to hurt. I am finally dialated closer to 4 so the epidural medicine gets puts in. AHHHHHHHHHHH... pain free. I can feel my tummy harden with each contraction and watch them on the monitor. Oh, pretty sure I have internal monitors on by now, Praise the Lord, I was so tired of having those things around me. And with epidural medicine comes catheter. So I have internal heartbeat monitor, internal contraction monitor, and a catheter, oh and little man still has not dropped enough to stop my water from continually "breaking".

10:30pm, they start antibiotics for me and the little man since he's been in an unsterile environment for so long.

From about 5pm to 1am...ish. I continue to have contractions and stay pretty comfortable and I am thinking "who really wants to do this with out an epidural?' about 1am or so... the "PRESSURE" starts... OH, it's now Sunday, May 11 - Mother's Day.

Now... PRESSURE...
they don't show or tell you about the pressure on A Baby Story
they don't really tell you about in all the books you read
they don't talk about it in your labor classes
OR at least they didn't for me.

So I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable. BY 5am I am incredibly uncomfortable and in incredible pain. PAIN that the epidural does absolutely nothing for. I am in tears. I am that crazy woman in labor telling her husband we are never having children again.

By 7:30am I start pushing. This is after the conversation with my husband about how I have to start pushing and if he needs to tell a nurse he probably should now. With which I get, "don't start pushing yet" WHAT!?!? Are you kidding me, when you have to push YOU HAVE TO PUSH.

About half way through that, they flip me on my side, toss an oxygen mask on me, because little man's heartbeat was dropping too much. Pressure was WORSE on my side.

And push I did until 9:53 am when Titus Matthew Spore finally came out.

What a rush! It happens so quick. The pain stops immediately. They place this tiny human on top of me. He wasn't screaming, but he was breathing. And then they rush him away. Apparently he had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and he was showing some signs of infection.

I had some intense stich work to be done. Several tears, including one 3rd degree tear. Total of 8 places stitched. But Praise the Lord I didn't have to have a C-Section.

After I was all stiched up, they brought Mr. Titus back to me.

And then, then I got all my wires and tubes, minus the IV, off and took a shower. The most amazing shower EVER.

We spent the next 3 nights in the hospital. I was discharged on Tuesday and Titus was discharged on Wednesday. He stayed a little longer because he recieved IV antibiotics because he was showing signs of an infection. He was a little juandiced one day but we nipped it in the bum.

He was supplemented with formula from a bottle on Monday because he was a lilttle juandiced and that started our breastfeeding realtionship off to a rough start. But that's a whole other post.

Brion and I still miss the hospital. Although we recieved some conflicting information from some nurses all and all we absolutlely loved the nurses and the comfort of having everything right there and not having to make your own meals.

And now here we are home, 3 weeks later and surviving.

37 weeks 5 days... pregnant....

and i have a child who refuses to live anywhere else but under my right rib cage.

I have been one cm dialated and 80% effaced for over a week and half and secretly fear that I will be 1 and 80 for the next weeks.

Maybe this is gross stuff that you aren't supposed to talk about outloud, but I often find myself compelled to tell anyone who will listen. I know that most women are okay and even excited to hear about how thin my cervix is, but even some men are excited to hear about it.

So yes, I am super "thinned" out, doc doesn't care much just says "congrats on getting the hard work over early" - Hard work, I think, how about the other 9cm I have to go.... that's prob won't be too easy.

My husband is convinced that this baby will come early, I think that is just in spite of the fact that I still have one more event to get through next Wednesday. Made it through the biggest of the 3 events that I've had last night. Awana awards night. It was a success I think. And mostly because of my super cool husband.

Thursday is cleaning day for me. It has also been a work at home day for the last 3 weeks as I had to make an effort to start staying at home at least one day a week.

35 weeks and 6 days pregnant

I have really really been blessed with this pregnancy.

No bed rest, not gestational diabetes, no crazy wight gain, no high blood pressure.

If you'd asked a doctor before I got pregnant what my chances were of having a pregnancy like the one I have had so far, they would have said they weren't that great.

But they would have told me to watch my diet really closely, to loose as much wieght as I possibly could before. I didn't loose any weight and well my pregnant diet.... not that great.

In fact, no one in the medical profession was even convinced that it would be as "easy" as it was for the two of us to get pregnant.

I say all these things, because I want everyone to know why I think these things happen - BECAUSE OF JESUS!

This is not to say that if I had been given a "rough" pregnancy or even an "awful" one, that it wouldn't have been BECUASE OF JESUS!

Two Tuesdays ago when the doc said, lets order an ultrasound he measures too big. I thought - well, here we go, this is the bump I have been expecting.

Now, you see we know our due date is correct because well, we just do. He's a honeymoon baby after all. So its not so easy, as the few people who asked me "Well, could you just be off on your due date?" might have thought. Yea, NO, we're not off on the due date.

So today, Brion and I trucked into the hospital for our ultrasound. To find out if this little man of ours really is too big.

TURNS OUT!
He's not! Which is good news... guess I just measure big (which is not what a pregnant lady want to think about, but whatever I already feel like a truck)

So they measured his little head, his tummy, his precious little femur bone. And all in all he measures in at 36weeks 2 days, so he's three days ahead of my schedule. He's just an over achiever. And weighs in at an estimated 6lbs 7 oz already!! Already??? my gosh, I hope he's stops growing in the next couple weeks like my books say! Ultrasound tech said she would put him closer to six pounds.

He's got little chubby cheeks already and he's head down like he's supposed to be. PRAISE THE LORD!

So my little guy is cooking right along. Each day I can't imagine being more uncomfortable, but then the next day comes and well... I am more uncomfortable. Some nights are better than others and some are awful. I think I am starting to have not so comfortable braxton hicks or maybe a contraction every now and then. Something that doesn't feel good at least. The stretching/pulling pains have mellowed out a little bit... Thank you Jesus!

And well, we just keep trucking along.

Funny thing for a pregnant lady to do: Put on one of your non-maternity shirts 4 weeks before you are due. Now I switched to maternity shirts well before I probably needed to, but man are they comfortable. So when I switched I could still wear my regular t-shirts. Well last night I making spaghetti sauce and since I don't have an apron I try to use an old t-shirt that I don't care if it gets splashed on so I threw on an old regular t-shirt. It barely covered my belly button! I know my belly has a baby in it and that it had gotten bigger, but I just didn't really realize how much bigger!!!!

And now I go.

Ashley please note that is two posts in one month. :)