Update & Camera Dump

"I've found the cupboard, I've opened it and now I can chew on the containers of cereal I don't even like to eat. BTW - anyone need some baby cereal?"

"HA! MOM I FOUND YOU!"

 (This was my first time sneaking into that Kitchen place and surprising my Mom.)

"Oh ya, this is the life."

"Why are they always taking pictures of me when I am just trying to play my piano?!"

"So my mom thought it was pretty silly that I let this stuffed Caterpillar wrestle me to the ground, no joke, this is not staged."

AND NOW THE UPDATE...

Well, it has most certainly been too long since we've updated. If only you all knew how often I check everyone else's blogs in anticipation of an update. I do feel guilty for not updating often here. 

It's been a WHOLE month and a day since the last update - and well lots has changed but probably not much we haven't told you about in person, through a phone call, or email or even facebook, myspace or twitter. You name it and we probably try to communicate on it. 

Regardless, Titus will be NINE months old this Wednesday, he's super fast crawler, climber and cruiser. He knows he's so fast at crawling that I am not sure how much interest he'll have in walking for awhile. We shall see. He's starting to stand on his own, for a few seconds at a time. But he likes to jump so much or crawl so much that practicing with him is nearly impossible, put your hands under his arms and he thinks your going to jump him or let him down in standing position and he goes to the floor to crawl. He's really good at holding his breath as he revs up to cry, the beauty of this is it is usually out of pure stubbornness not pain or sadness. He had his first fever earlier this month, he was definitely sick, poor little guy he was so cuddly and sleepy. And I was a worried Mama, but that is what mamas are for. It was over in less than 3 days and he was back to normal, sadly I missed the cuddle bug that he was when he was sick. 

Brion is the new youth pastor at (our church) Hauser Community Church his official start date was February 1, but he'd been easing himself into it all month. He started the month off with a nasty tonsil infection, a touch of a flu and a cold that wouldn't quit. The antibiotics started to help in a day or two, but he had to "call in sick" to HS Youth Group the first night. He's much better now and the lovely white flora that had been growing on his tonsils is gone. (Yes, you may make a face and go "YUCK!") 

We are a busy family now. As of right now our schedule is a little crazy outside of the normal work week. Our normal work week consists of roughly the hours of 9-4  Tuesday -Friday, somedays start earlier and end later, and sometimes they start later and end earlier. We also attend church Saturday nights (it's work but we attend service) and work Sundays from 7:30 to 1pm. And now our busy Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday evenings.  Tuesday - HS Youth Group, Wednesday -  Awana, Thursday - JH Youth Group. All of these run us a few hours, from 6-9ish. Needless to say our Friday nights are pretty special to us.  

AND we're moving. Essentially into a parsonage. It is the house of the previous youth pastor and the youth group currently meet in the GRAGE which is actually a large 3 bay garage on the property. We're very excited to move, not excited to pack, but ready to move. It is a 3BD 2BATH house! We'll have a guest room! And space.  We have a lovely apartment now but the baby stuff is starting to over run us. 

Oh, yes I am still working full time and will be for little while longer, but eventually I will go like 3/4 time and share some of my responsibilities with another person. I am very excited to see who God has picked out for that role!

We are doing some amazing things at the church and mostly we are starting a family ministry. I am so excited about doing ministry the way I see that God has commanded it and reaching out to families to help them raise their children. Instead of just trying to reach the children. It means change and its not always welcome. 

Well, that's enough for now. Its taken me long enough to write all this. I should probably go pack a box or two or maybe a nap.... hmmm....

Bathtime

Titus enjoyed a bubble bath this evening. We took advantage of the opportunity to shoot naked baby bum bath pictures. And then just after his bath I ran into some naked baby bum pictures of Brion and I as wee little ones. 

Much to my surpirse. Titus looks more like me than I expected. Unlike most other moms and dads in the world we had not compared our baby pictures with Titus much. Or at all.

And I don't know how old Brion or I are in these pictures. 

I like to eat bubbles. A lot. 

He really enjoys testing the water. So he'll get on all fours and dip his face in. 

Tonight there were so many bubbles in the tubs that all he would get was a face 

full of bubbles. I am 99.9% convinced that eating a bunch of Johnson & Johnson No More Tears 

Baby Shampoo bubbles won't do much to him. But time will tell. 

A baby Brion in the bath. 

Such a cutie, but didn't look as much like Titus as I expected. 

A baby Rachel, apparently just playing naked in a play pen. 

That toy thing in the background...

I totally remember that from when I was a kid. 

Family Pictures

Titus's first candy cane. Yes it is wrapped. :)

Titus and his GREAT-Grandma.

The happy family! It's hard to keep those fingers out of his mouth right now!

Seester and Brother!

Titus and his Grandpa and Grandma.

Titus and his GREAT-Grandparents.

Four Generations of ladies. From left - My Mom, Grandma, Great-Grandma and ME. There are Five generations of us including Titus.

Titus and his GREAT-GREAT Grandma.

The whole family!

Christmas was wonderful! Titus had a blast and enjoyed the whole day with people gushing all over him. More pictures were taken then had been in a many years. And again this year we all said "Wow, we have too many presents." And we did, but can you really have too many?

It was a wonderful Christmas and we truly are thankful for the birth of our Savior.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from The Spores!

The Biter Biscuits

I must warn you the following pictures can be quite disturbing                                                            if you are not familiar with what a Gerber Biter Biscuit is capable of. 

You can purchase this product for a mere $1.82 for just 12 at a Wal-Mart just outside Eugene, Oregon on hwy 126. 

Let me set the scene. 

It was a Monday. I had just returned the day before from a weekend long trip to Portland with 15 teens and 3 other adults. One of the vans broke down about 2 hours out of town, so we had to rent a vehicle while said broken down van was being fixed in the wonderful town of Drain. And yes I really do mean wonderful and the town really is called Drain. 

So on this Monday, Brion and I and Titus were going to drive to Drain pick up the now fixed van, Oh by the way, the wheel almost fell off, God totally saved us, and the Drain Church of Christ gave half of our girls a ride to Eugene from Drain to get to the rental car place. It was totally awesome. And after all that we were only 20 minutes late to the event. Next year - we make it on time. 

 Ok - so we pick up the fixed van in Drain, take the rental back to Eugene, drop some OCC shoeboxes off and head to find a place to eat. At this point Titus has pretty much been in his carseat all day. He even hangs out in while we have dinner. So as we leave Applebee's (It is always my goal while on the I-5 corrider that I get to eat at mainstream restaurant we don't have in Coos County, not hard to do, although my goal that day had been Red Robin, it was on the other side of town.) We stop at Wal-Mart, Titus is starting to fuss - can you blame him? We pick up some things - I buy him some new bibs and some biter biscuits. I think - and yes I really did think... 

My friends have told me these are pretty messy, but Titus does pretty good with graham crackers, he'll probably do okay with these. He can't do it.

The thing is my dear friends really did warn me, but I did not listen. We had two hours to drive still. I didn't think my options were that good. When really I could have just walked over to the grocery side of wal-mart and bought some graham crackers. 

BUT I DIDN'T

AND TWO HOURS LATER WHEN WE GOT OUT OF THE CAR

THIS IS WHAT WE DISCOVERED..

Digital Camera Download

These were all probably taken with in the last 6 weeks or so... I am horrible about taking pictures and then taking them off the camera... seriously and I use to actually have to take them some where and wait for them to develop.

No my Mom and Dad don't let me drive, however Mom did let me play in the driver seat while she was in the passenger seat. Thanksgiving day - waiting for the Turkey Bowl to start. Mom thought they played football with a turkey... she's a turkey herself. It's just a regular community football game thanksgiving morning.

This is the first time my mom and dad let me loose in my toy basket. WOW, all these are mine! They used to just give a toy or two at a time. Now they just tip this over and I go to town. Keeps me entertained for at least 30 minutes. 

Not sure on this one. I look tired. This is my play blanket of the carpet, well used to be at least. I can escape off it now. Can you believe for 6 months they had me convinced that if I scooted of this blanket I'd melt? 

Now I know better. Ha ha ha.

Yes, I live the good life. They bring me my food in a bottle or they spoon feed it to me. I sit in a reclined seats. If you're quick you can catch me with my arms behind my head like so just soaking it all in. 

Oh, the computer, how I long to understand you. This is a fascinating thing to me. I ripped the CTRL key off of mom's and now she doesn't let me sit on her lap anymore while she types. I just wanted to type too. So I watch Dad. 

Thankfulness

We've had a wonderful thanksgiving and have plenty to be thanful for; a healthy baby, our health, provision through God in jobs that we absolutely love, school, each other, our family - I could keep going... but most of all right now I am thankful for the almost 4 full days off from work that we have had. We haven't done much in most people's eyes, we have however accomplished a lot in ours - we have almost reached completion in Lego Batman. We are so very thankful for our 360 and Lego Batman and the connection time it has given us to relax and all be together. AMEN.

He's scooting all over the place and gets up on his knees and revs up to crawl and then back to scooting he goes. Quite the little army crawler if I have anything to say about it. 

His bottom front two teeth are in - as you will see in the pictures and his top ones are coming very soon I think - one is almost through. He is such a good little teether though - not a ton of fuss about it so far. 

He stands really good and supports his own weight, hasn't quite figured out how to pull himself up - THANK GOD - but he is inches from it....

He's currently in his 6 month clothing, but he fits in everything just perfectly so he'll be stretching it soon. Yes, he is still a skinny tall white boy. 

He eats anything we will give him - so he's made it through all the fruit and veggies and started into the meats, he got to have a "Turkey Rice Dinner" with us for thanksgiving. He also loves grahm crackers. This was a hard one for me, because I wanted to buy the teething biscuits but they are so expensive. So we started with grahm crackers instead and he does great with them. Dad loves it too - apparently he is a big grahm cracker fan also. 

We had one big oops where I did choose to buy the biter biscuits. Stay tuned for pictures of that fiasco.

Here are some 6 month pics of Titus. 

6 Month Check Up

Titus is officially a healthy six month old. 

Today marks his very first 1/2 birthday. 

As his 1/2 birthday present he got to go to the doctor.

(We're wonderful parents)  

The little man:

weighs in at 15lbs 2.5ozs. 

(I'm throwing that .5 on there for my sake)

now measures a whopping 28 inches long. 

and doesn't have a pin head. 

In the world of percentiles he remains a "skinny white man" 

90th for the heighth and 10th for the weight, his head - well it's average. 

He's officially cut his front two bottom teeth, almost at exactly the same time. Although the left one peeked through first. 

He also got his shots at the doctors. He such a good little man. He cries when he's poked but by the time he's buckled into his car seat he's all better and then he sleeps for at least an hour after we bring him home. 

He's amazing! Such a strong, tough little guy!

and the Spores go marching on...

Brion is currently at a movie with a friend that is only in town for a week or two. Main reason while he has managed to escape the clutches of an evening with his wife. 

Titus is currently sleeping at my side and has been doing this pretty much since about 4:45pm. It is now at this very moment 7:18. I would bet money, if I was a bettin' woman, that this might actually be the longest nap my dear son has ever taken. 

I am currently writing a blog, as you can read, which I have not done for quite awhile. 

I've come across a few things in the past weeks that I think are absolutely fantastic.

1. WOOT.COM

In the search for a tablet for my pc, Brion and I discovered woot.com. We haven't purchased anything from woot, however we are always fascinated to discover what the "deal of the day" is. This discovery has led us to several other "deal of the day" sites. Wow! Fascinating to me. Another one that I sneak peaks at through out the day is steepandcheep.com now this is a site that I have been truly impressed with. I have seen keens and chacos up to 80% off. Among other things; tents, sleeping bags, watches, sunglasses, and knives. And more I am sure. Now, I realize with this deal a day shopping that you must be patient and willing to save - because you must wait to see what you want to buy become available and then you must have the money set aside for it. BUT still I watch. 

2. Stuffchristianslike.net

Oh, how I absolutely I adore loving Jesus and being a christian. I was shaped (God shaped me) with a sense of humor. A peculiar sense of humor. It lends itself to the sarcastic side at times. And it can be pretty dry. Because of these things I tend to meld especially well with people that have similar sense of humor. 

At this very point - Titus has chosen to join reality again. 7:32 is the official wake time. He has just finished taking the longest nap ever. And he desperately needs a bottle. Off I go. I will return. 

Ok. I am back. And now if you haven't visited stuffchristianlike.net yet - please stop what you are doing and go now. 

If you are not a christian you may not find some the 430 some odd things that Christians like funny. If you are a christian and if you understand church, please know that the guy writing these things loves Jesus, so don't get on a soap box - just enjoy him and if you don't, just stop reading. 

Anyways I discover it by googling (yes it is a verb) church logo, I discover this article. READ HERE. 

If you can't make fun of yourself - then just keep on walking I best not have much to do with you. 

3. Bring the Rain

I've written about little Audrey Caroline before. And I still check up on the blog from time to time. This time I discovered this article.

Seven prayers a day. 

She is praying seven prayers a day for seven days. 

Specific prayers for her children. 

I'm very encouraged to do this. And so here I share it with you. 

1.  When they wake up: "Let the morning bring (child's name) word of your unfailing love, for she has put her trust in You.  Show (her/him) the way (she/he) should go, for to you (he/she) lifts up her soul." (Adapted from Psalm 143:8)

2. When they are getting dressed: "Therefore, as God's chosen child, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Lord, help (him/her) bear with others and forgive whatever grievances (he/she) has against others.  Help (him/her) forgive as the Lord forgave (him/her).  And over all these virtues, help (him/her) put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Adapted from Colossians 3:12-14)

3. While they are eating: "Teach (child's name) the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  Teach (him/her) that (he/she) can do everything through him who gives (him/her) strength." (Adapted from Philippians 4:12-13)

4.  When they go out of the house: "(Name of child), do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Adapted from Romans 12:2)

5.  While they are taking a bath: Lord, give (name of child)  clean hands and a pure heart, and let (him/her) not lift (his/her) soul to an idol or swear by what is false. Let (him/her) receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God (his/her) Savior.  Let (him/her) be part of the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. (Adapted from Psalm 24:4-6)

6.  When they are going to bed:  "The Lord Your God is with you; he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, be will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

7.  While they are sleeping:  "I pray that (name of child) will do everything without complaining or arguing, so that he/she may become blameless and pure, a child of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which he/she shines like a star in the universe as he/she holds out the word of life-in order that he/she may boast on the day of Christ that he/she did not run or labor for nothing." (Adapted from Philippians 2:14-16)

As for an update on the Spores, if that's what you were hoping for, you will have to wait till Veteran's day. As that is little Mr. Titus Matthew Spore's 6 month birthday - and yes 1/2 birthday's are a big deal around here - and he has his 6 month well check that day also. So don't worry you'll get the stats. 

BUT because I can't resist - He's two bottom teeth are coming in. We can feel and see them! My little man's first right of passage. Well at least to me it is. 

Mr. Titus has finished his bottle, is awake and is suppose to go to bed in 7 minutes... oh well. It's Friday. 

Titus Update

Here are some of my most recent and most newly favorite pictures of Mr. Titus.

Today Mr. Titus had his 4 month well check. He's officially 4 1/2 months, but I didn't call and make the appointment in time. Anyways...

Our little guy...

weighs 14.5 lbs
is 26.5 inches long
has a head circumference of
43 cm
and is in pretty darn good health

As far as percintiles go - and I am fascinated by them - he is in the 95% for his enormously large nogin. The 90% for his length and 50% for his weight.

He is officially eating rice cereal and we have the go ahead to continue to introduce new foods. grains, veggies and fruits. Wow - babies grow very fast.

He eats like a zillion gallons of formula a day or maybe just five (to six) 7oz. bottles. Sometimes it seems we can't feed him fast enough. He eats every 2.5-3.5 hours but is sleeping sometimes up to 12 hours at night. Yes, we think we know how lucky we are.

We've been seeing some signs of teething and doc said today he thought maybe he felt a one coming on on the right ridge. We shall see. We've also been seeing the fussy times that come along with that - we think. We are first timers at all of this, afterall.

Brion and I have been incredibly busy this month, we think maybe its mellowing out - but I am not convinced of much. We shall see. Ministry keeps us going. and going. and going. and going.

The wheels on the bus & more...

Oh, Mr. Titus can giggle. But he only chooses to do this when he absolutely wants to. 

Today during a round of The Wheels on the Bus he started to crack up, so I continued into a round of If You're Happy and You Know It and then on repeat each one again, enjoying the giggles of my son the whole time. 

Then, A HA, I need more kid songs, I know I know more - why can't I think of them. I stumbled onto this site in my search. A HA! So Titus continued to get a round of The Animal Fair, Ants Go Marching, The Bear in Tennis Shoes AND THEN... he melted. 110% over stimulated by his Mom. Poor kid. This is what happens when his Dad goes away, Mom overstimulates him too much. If only this was the first time this had happened this weekend.  

Noticed I had only made it to the B's. 

So I cuddled him until he calmed back down. He played on the floor with his toys until he over stimulated himself.  And now he resides in his swing, binky in mouth, (nevermind he spit it out again) and hanging out. He loves his swing. 

Back to the site. When I found this site I was incredibly intrigued because it is a .gov site - because of this there are no lyrics to This Little Light of Mine or Jesus Loves the Little Children or so on... but that's ok. We sing those plenty. However, there are some wierd little facts or warnings with some of the songs. Take Big Rock Candy Mountain, with lines about ciggarette trees and a lake of gin, the gov website warns "In addition, smoking and alcohol addictions are extremely harmful to your health; and no situation will be improved by having easy access to cigarettes or alcohol, as promised in the fictional (and extremely unhealthy!) Big Rock Candy Mountains" This will be a song that Titus and I will not be singing. 

Since I have sat him down and come back to the site- I have rediscoved the following; Clementine, Do Your Ears Hang Low, The Farmer in the Dell, Five Little Ducks, The Green Grass Grew All Around, I'm A Little Teapot, I've Been Working on the Railroad, Oh Suzanna, On Top of Spaghetti and Zip-a-dee-do-dah.

A HA!

It takes...

I've recently been chewing on the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I am not referring to HRC's book or speech. At all, just chewing on the saying. More so I'm faced with Brion is one person, I am one person - Together we are one. So we add up to two, somehow. Not even close to a village.

Right now we have one child. Titus has grandmas and grandpas, he even has a great-grandma and great-grandpa and a great-great grandma. (Yes, so far the women in my family live forever). However, Brion's side of the family resides in other states (mainly Texas and Oklahoma, although Nana lives in Washington). Mine lives here. And we're close and we see each other at least weekly, however they are not involved in the day to day raising of Titus. It is Brion and I. And that is "normal". 

 As a children's ministry director I believe in "partnering with parents to encourage them to grow, love and disciple their children." Mainly because I and the ministry team see a child a maximum of 3.5 hours a week. The amount of time a parent spends their son or daughter, talking and walking life with them is at least 10 times that each week. And that's a minimum, of a kid that's say in sports till 5pm every night. So all we can do is partner. We can't do it and it's not our responsibility - its the parent's. 

And as I imagine Brion and I's future in ministry I realize more and more how important that partnership can be. Children's Ministry at Hauser by no means takes the place of parent's spiritual guidance but I am looking forward to the partnership Titus, Brion and I will have with the ministries each one of us will be in now and as we grow older. Hopefully continuing to further us on in our walk of faith so that we can be a more Godly family, Godly wife, mother, father, husband, child. 

I might not have a village but I have a church. And with in that church I have village, call it extended family call it whatever you want - it's my village that is going to partner with us to raise our child. It's not an equal partnership, and maybe support is a better word. But our church will always be there. 

I am reading Grace-based Parenting and I read something in it today that struck me...

One of the primary roles that God gave parents is to create adults who reflect His heart. A family is, without a doubt, the most effective and efficient vehicle to produce the kind of people who can move confidently into the adult world and have a redemptive impact on the culture- that's what we are supposed to be doing. 

So why aren't we?

Why is the world we're living in getting more and more secular? Why have we gotten to the point that our culture has become extremely antagonistic toward us living out our faith in the public arena? Why has our culture turned more hedonistic? There are many explanations that people offer as answers to these questions. The standard one is to blame Satan, but that doesn't add up. He hasn't been sleepwalking for the past two thousand years and suddenly awakened. There was something holding him back. The was one fortress that he had a difficult time penetrating: a good, solid family. Parents armed with little more that a vibrant relationship with God consistently served as the ideal springboard for great people. So something changed....

The whole thought just struck me. The idea that we (our culture) had been fighting down the devil with the family... and we've slowly let him in. 

I witness this all over in families in ministry. In conversations with parents, and teens and kids and especially in the teens - when they are in the age to be owning their faith, steps away from becoming adults and they are miles away from being an adult that reflects God's heart. 

It breaks my heart. I believe it the fault of the parents but I do not let the church off the hook. For not holding families accountable. For not calling them out. 

The name of our new mom's group at Hauser is 242 and this is from 2 Timothy 4:2 and three words have struck the core of me from this verse:

CORRECT, REBUKE AND ENCOURAGE

I think church's in 2008 are guilty of NOT doing this. I think we encourage to often with correcting or rebuking. The following has also struck me to the core...

WITH GREAT PATIENCE AND CAREFUL INSTRUCTION

Patience is a scary word. There's a good ol funny thought that comes with patience for me. It's a good giggle I get. Don't ask God for patience unless you are prepared for him to teach you patience. I think I kicked Brion one time when he was praying and asked God to give us patience. I even have some people in my life that are very own personal Patience Professors - I am convinced God has put them in my life to teach me patience. 

Yet this verse says with GREAT patience. That's lots of patience. Not just a little not just the bare minimum. But with great patience. 

So I am have been convicted of correcting, rebuking, encouraging with great patience and careful instruction. What does this look like? I am not sure exactly, but He'll show me...

And I sure blog a whole lot while my husband is away. And my downstairs neighbors slams her door ALOT - another patience professor in my life. 

I give you...

So Mr. Titus is rolly polly man now. And LOVES... LOVES... LOVES... to sleep on his tummy now. The first night I proceeded to flip him over three separate times before giving up. Every time I flip him back on to his back, he immediately rolls over to his tummy.

There are two things that they repeat to you incessantly at the hospital when you get there, while you are there and before you leave...
1. Does anyone in your house smoke?
2. Do you know to put your baby to sleep on his back?
All of this to point out the signs of SIDS.
Eventually, I would just tell the nurse; as she walked up to me with the forms; "No one in our house smokes, and I will not put my baby to sleep on his tummy."

NOW - I am left with little choice. He has no fluffy blankets in his crib, no stuffed animals, we have an approved mattress and so on...

I could get those side supporter things that force your baby to sleep on his side, but I don't want to torture him. So I am left with leaving it up to God. Or giving him up to God. Over and over.

So thankful for my husband who takes my "I just want to look at him" multiple checks into his room before I go to bed with absolute grace.

(Just went to "look" at him. He's sleeping on his side,with one leg tossed over the other. >>Sigh<<>

All of this started sometime mid last week. So I have been sharing it with everyone I come in contact with... merely to just receive the comfort a first time mom gets with "Yes, mine did that too."

While sharing this with my pastor, he subtly reminded me of a time that he was reminded that no matter what no parent can be there every minute of every day, you have to remember that they are God's.

I've relinquish myself to God on a daily, hourly, by minute basis for years. Why is it so easy for my apparently selfish self to remember to give Titus over to him?

I never was able to imagine how Abraham felt as he went with Isaac up that mountain... OR was able to really imagine how God felt as he sacrificed his ONE and ONLY son.... It is incredibly hard for my measly earthly brain and heart to wrap some emotion around it.

It wasn't quite obvious to me after my conversation with Pastor J that God was reminding my heart of relinquishing my little man back to Him.

So I went to church. During worship - we sang the song "I give you me"

While I was sing God changed it from me to Titus...

I stand amazed at Your awesomeness
That You would love and guide me
That You have taken all my sorrows
And promised me a beautiful tomorrow
I give you Titus, all that I have
Not holding back but every part
All that he is and that I hope him to be
Lord I am blessed when I give You Titus
What can I say to tell You thank you
What can I do to show my heart
For what You've done and who You are
Oh Lord, I give You Titus

So maybe a little weeping. But I was beginning to understand His point. Understand the lesson he was teaching me.

The next afternoon I stumbled across a friend's blog and was in turn pointed to this one.

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Its a story to read when you might not be as empty emotionally as you need to be. When you might need to be reminded of the rain. I took over a few days, tried to avoid the rampid tears as they fell, and not subject my dear husband to it.

And I finished it this morning. Titus had woken up at 7am and Daddy wanted to keep sleeping - so Titus and I crawled in into our comfy chair, turned on the heating/vibrating pad and curled up with this amazing testimony. Towards the end - Titus fell asleep in my arms, just because... He wasn't sqwauky or anything - he just fell asleep. I already miss my teeny tiny little man that just cuddled all the time. It was refreshing and cleansing to weep with my baby in my arms. To know that if his life was on the line, I'm not sure I would understand, not sure I would be able to think everything would be ok - BUT I would know that Jesus would be the same through it all, yesterday, today and tomorrow. He wouldn't change.

I can't even kind of imagine loosing a child. I can barely think "my" child in that sentence.

(as if my little guy know where his Momma's heart is at tonight, I just went to "look" at him again, and he's sleeping on his back, for the first time in days.)

And I am done. I've renewed all the emotion in me. I encourage everyone to read story of Audrey Caroline and I have a new form of heros and if I ever start that photography hobby I'd like I want to, I don't want to do what they do but I think I would have to.

I can't sum it up any other way - or try to use words other than the friend who's blog directed me to this one. This is how she described her encounter with Audrey Caroline and I have to agree a 100%. "But oh, the reward--of experiencing a sister's encounter with Jesus that is real, raw, excruciatingly painful, and-- strangely, seemingly contradictorally-- full of life and hope."